I am not Shrek: BUT, I am a Christian

Sometimes it feels like the staff (and the patients sometimes too) are out to lynch and crucify me (I am on a Form 33 after all).

Like the movie Shrek.

They are the villagers, and I am a big sweaty smelly scary ogre.

So they abuse their position of power. Or emotionally abuse me. Or psychologically abuse me (they love gaslighting). Or they physically abuse me. Or they undress me with their eyes and unite in spirit with me (despite the fact that I am united in spirit with Jesus and this is rape).

I don't like it when they do this. Sometimes I get grumpy about it. Sometimes I cry about. Often I cry out to my Abba to help me.

Since I am united in spirit with Jesus, I wonder when they do this, if they are also raping the Holy Holy Holy, Holy Spirit, whom I love more than life itself.

I shaved my beard and my head because I wanted to prove to myself I am still a Christian even without hair. It had the added benefit of making me look physically less desirable. I am tired of how some of the female staff interact with me. Worse yet how they interact with the patients who are drugged out of their minds on pharmakeia.

Sometimes, when it strikes me, I call them out verbally on what it is they are doing to me.

They do not like when I do this. They usually run away or just deny it, which is gaslighting. When they lie to cover up what they did, sometimes they get other people involved in covering up the lie.

I am not literally an Ogre. I am literally a Christian. I am a beloved child of God, saved by grace through faith alone.

I have an obligation to stand up for what I believe in. To hold firm to the faith. Stand by my conscience. To love God more than my life, my mom's life, or the life of anyone else.

But, that doesn't mean not to love. I am to love my neighbours and my enemies.

But, what do you do when the torture and abuse never ends, and everyone seems to be in on it.

I feel praying for them (by God's grace).

I keep turning the other cheek(s) (by God's grace).

I keep trying to do good to them (by God's grace).

I keep praying for more grace to forgive them from my heart (by God's grace).

So what do I do.

I am literally trapped here with them. If I try to run away the police will have to bring me back in cuffs and I will be treated even more poorly AND then get a criminal record (I have a clear criminal record despite all of my transgressions listed on my About Me page - and it is in my cubby).

Imagine if the government supports Dr. Rogers in forcing me to take the pharamkeia. They could be telling me what reality is and abusing me and no one would listen to me at all. CSIS, the Ottawa Police Services, the CCB, the staff at The Royal, and Human Rights Support Legal Services have all turned a blind eye.

No wonder I am warning people that if they force me to take pharmakeia one more time I will kill myself.

I am not a sweaty ogre. They may hate me because I am a Christian. I accept that as reality. But if they try to reduce me to something subhuman, they are acting exactly like how the Nazis treated the Jews.

I am prepared to die surrounded by people who hate me, abuse me, and want me to doubt my faith.

Maybe they believe because they already got their 'Millstone Award' it can't get worse for them, but this is folly. They should re-read Luke 17 and that particular warning in the bible.

I will be glorified. And I am a human being too. And I have real feelings they break every single day, which hurts even more than when I am no-touch torture abused, physically assaulted, and satanically ritually abused.

Do they think they will get away with it, still?

My Abba is all around them. He made them. And he knows what they will do before they even do it, no matter what.

What is happening Abba?

They call me crazy. But they are acting like magikarps from pokemon. They are struggling and hurting themselves in the confusion. I pray they don't end up like gyarados (like the devil) because that 'dragon' is going in the lake of fire, and Christ Jesus, the Lord of Lords and King of Kings who made them in the first place, and already died for their sins, will put them there if they continue to trample on his free gift.

What are they thinking?

They seem to be acting like unthinking beasts.

And yet I am the 'retard'. And I hate the r-word. I might have Williams Syndrome, but that is a separate issue and I will make an issue about it for my newsletter at a later date.

Satanist make snuff films out of kids with down syndrome. And it hasn't happened for a while, but sometimes via no-touch torture clips of it were beamed into my head against my will.

I hate paedophilia (I was raped as a child and I am absolutely repulsed by rape of any kind). It's only by god's grace I can try to love the pedophile, and I am no better than him or her.

What do I do in this situation?

I can't leave.

They lie about me and abuse me.

The government knows all about it. It is up to them and doctor Rogers what will happen to me next, I have zero say.

What can I do but be patient and rely on God's grace to preserve and endure these trials and tribulations.

To God be ALL the glory.

Praise. The. LORD!

Still hoping to get discharged without any pharmakeia and somehow overcome my trust issues and find a wife and one day have kids.

But it is very possible another patient goes to beat me up, they hit me in the temple, and I drop dead on the spot.

And I will have been martyred for Jesus while I was being martyred for Jesus (if they get me on the pharmakeia it will kill me, like it was killing me last time, even if I don't kill myself once they force me on it).

I don't fear death. I don't fear pain. But I am not a masochist.

I just want to be left alone and move on with my life.

Then, once I have licked my wounds and been patched up by my Abba, Christ Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, find my Christian family and love them and be loved by them, even if I am weird.

Do you think the patients and staff here at The Royal will 'get out of my swamp?'.

Do you think they will 'run the numbers' on whether they love themselves more than they hate me?

I pray they do. For their sake.

insert sweaty smelly scary ogre 'roar/scream' here!

SURPRISE! NOT AN OGRE AT ALL! SURPRISE... A CHRISTIAN!

Hallelujah!

Ending with a still from one of my favourite movies historically. I don't really watch them any more.

"I may act tough, but I got a lot of feelings, and your hurt d**n near everyone of them."