What is my calling?
I am uncertain what my specific calling is for the church.
I would like to join a nice congregation and sit in a back pew with a wife and belt traditional hymns and enjoy their sermons. Have some interactions here on earth with my eternal family in Christ. To be given an opportunity to love my brothers and sisters, and if need be to die for them.
I would like to run a Christian elementary school in Africa helping the disadvantaged find hope in Christ, with a wife.
I think I was made to serve others, not lead.
Perhaps my Abba, Christ Jesus, and the Holy Spirit can use me to lead by example. Even a weird wretch like me.
But then again, even if I do not accomplish anything, God still loves me unconditionally, and is helping me to grow as a man and as a Christian even while I am being isolated as a psychiatric prisoner.
With time perhaps I will discern what His specific will is for me. What it is specifically that He would like me to do. I'll just have to take things day by day.